An email that changed everything
I had a busy day planned. I anticipated it as a great day filled with heartfelt connection with my clients. It started with listening to a Matt Kahn talk, always thought provoking, confusing and inspired insight, but I’ll save that for another day.
A few hours before my meetings began, I walked into a local coffee shop, bought an overpriced coffee and sat down with my iPad. It was time to knock a few things off the list. Email first, which mostly consists of deleting newsletters I’d signed up for but never take the time to read.
And then it happened.
An email from a new friend with an old, wise, beautiful sole. Sent at 3:40am. Intrigue caused me to skip to it immediately, to see what the urgency was. With just a few short sentences, a huge smile and laugher emerged from me. Others in the coffee shop, immersed in their laptops or in conversation, glanced up at me and smiled…. Likely wondering what I’d spiked my coffee with and wanting me to share.
As I sat there rereading the email, I began to notice something. My body was bubbling. There was fresh air rushing into my lungs. A lightness in my face. Hope and joy were coursing through my veins. I felt like I’d just received an adrenaline shot.
How is it possible that a few sentences in an email can give me such a boost?
Well, as I sat there, with full on curiosity, I realized… It's not just a few sentences. It’s every conversation and interaction I have had with this person. It’s who they are as they show up authentically, and it works with who I am. And these sentences just bring me back to the essence of that person, even when it’s on paper. Really… It’s no different than picking up your favourite book, knowing that a you’re going to be entertained.
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So how do I repeat this feeling, this adrenaline rush? Because obviously, I want more of it!
Spend more time with this person, yes. But to get this on a 24/7 basis, I need to understand the root of it. How do I mine this feeling of abundance, in my life?
Here’s what I came up with, as I sit and ponder/analyze it.
Pay attention to who makes you smile, who makes your eyes light up and your heart blossom. Those are the types of people you need to spend more time with.
Ask yourself these simple questions:
Who has a Positive approach to life, vs a Negative one?
Who makes your eyes sparkle vs giving you frown lines?
Who makes you Laugh vs use foul words?
Who do you talk about hope with? Who shares their desperation with you?
Who do you Intention set with? Who is buried in retaliation?
Who gets your blood pumping, in a positive way vs makes you feel numb?
Ultimately, it comes down to one thing. How do you want to feel everyday?
As Danielle Laporte suggests in her books The Desire Map and Firestarter, if we could identify our ‘core desired feelings’ and then develop our life around them, we would truly be fulfilled. A quote of hers that stays fresh in my mind is ...
Seems simple, right? But where do you start?
Identify your core desired feelings. Pick 5 that you want to experience on a daily basis.
Get clear on what you’ll receive, when you live with these core desired feelings. As an example … When I experience laughter, it washes away the stress in my face and that will prevent wrinkles!!! (Now that’s motivation, isn’t it!!)
Associate each core desired feeling wit certain people in your life. Who gives you those feelings, when you are with them?
Start spending more time with people you identified.
Now, what happens to those people in your life that didn’t make your core list? Punt them to the curb? Well, maybe you need to. But try this first:
Look at the people in your life that exude behaviours which are contradictory to your core desired feelings.
Ask yourself… What am I getting from this relationship? How can I change the outcome of our interaction?
Now comes the hard part. Share your core desired feelings with this person. Let them know how you want to feel and why. And then be honest with them about how they make you feel right now. Ask them if your relationship can change, so you can embrace these new feelings.
Will this transition happen overnight? No. With use, you will get more clarity on which core desired feelings you really want everyday. Your list may change, grow or shrink.
So what’s the benefit of this?
Well, remember my interaction with my new friend, from the beginning of the article? I have learned that I can spend an entire day with him, with ease. As an introvert, that’s typically not the case for me. And in fact, I am now looking for more ways to spend time with him, because of how he makes me feel. It’s that simple.
Image courtesy of www.DanielleLaporte.com
